Fancy gadgets gathering dust in the garage?

Gym membership lapsed again?

Your body is the only equipment you need to sculpt a physique that would make Michelangelo weep.

Enter calisthenics ― the art of resistance training using nothing more than your own glorious meat suit. This primal practice has been honing heroes since Helen of Troy had her first weightless workout.

1. Pushups
The alpha and omega of bodyweight badassery. This classic move targets your chest, shoulders, and triceps while secretly toning your core.

Start with hands shoulder-width apart and lower yourself until your nose grazes the ground. Push back up, rinse, and repeat until your pecs cry uncle.

2. Squats
Want glutes that could crush a cantaloupe? Get low with some serious squats.

Stand with feet hip-width apart, then sit back like you're aiming for an invisible chair. Keep your chest up and your weight in your heels as you descend into the valley of the vixens. Rise back up, squeezing your cheeks like you've got a hundred dollar bill between them.

3. Lunges
Take a big step forward with your right foot, lowering your body until both knees bend at 90-degree angles. Push back to start, then repeat with the left leg. Feel the burn in your quads, hamstrings, and buns ― the holy trinity of lower body bliss.

Alternate legs until you're ready to lunge over the moon.

4. Dips
Find a sturdy chair or bench and grip the edge with your hands. Slide your butt off, supporting your weight on your arms with legs extended. Bend your elbows to lower yourself, then press back up.

Congrats, you just discovered a whole new world of upper-body anguish.

5. Planks
Forget sit-ups. Planks are the ultimate ab-carver from Michelangelo's sketchbook.

Start in a pushup position, then lower onto your forearms. Keep your body straight as an arrow from head to heels, engaging your core like you're bracing for a sucker punch. Hold as long as you can.

6. Burpees
Want to hate life while falling in love with your body? Burpees are your masochistic match made in heaven.

Start standing, then drop into a squat and place your hands on the ground. Kick your feet back into a pushup position, do a pushup (you know you want to), then jump your feet back to your hands and leap up with arms overhead.

7. Pull-Ups
Find a sturdy bar or tree branch and hang with arms extended. Pull yourself up until your chin clears the bar, then lower back down. No kipping, no crying, no excuses.

Can't do a full pull-up yet? Hang tough ― negatives and assisted reps will get you there.

8. Handstands
End your workout with a little upside-down action. Find a wall and kick up into a handstand with feet together, stomach tight. Hold for as long as you can without face-planting, building up to a freestanding balance.

So stop sitting down so much, and get out there and embrace the burn, the sweat, the sweet suffering that comes with sculpting a physique from nothing more than your own glorious flesh and bones.